Admit it: We all love the Labor Day weekend, even if it means the unofficial end of the summer. We’re ready for cooler weather (and it has been one hot summer), long-sleeve shirts, sweaters, football Sundays and the beauty of fall leaves.
But it’s also the beginning of a long run — the presidential election, third quarter earnings, fourth quarter headaches, will-he-or-won’t-he moments from Ben Bernanke and who knows what else.
What could possibly go wrong over the long weekend, though?
What things, in the next three days, could throw a wrench in the next four months — things investors didn’t think were possible?
Imagine coming in next Tuesday to find the following news items:
Apple (NASDAQ:AAPL) announces that defective batteries cause the new iPhone to catch fire after 3 hours useage; the stock is trading down 10 cents on the news.
Marissa Mayer decides she really didn’t want the Yahoo (NASDAQ:YHOO) job, and goes back to Google (NASDAQ:GOOG).
Richard Schulze and his advisors at Credit Suisse (NYSE:CS) decide instead to buy Amazon (NASDAQ:AMZN) to engineer an easier merger with Best Buy (NYSE:BBY).
Ben Bernanke decides he really likes Jackson Hole, and after his speech about nothing on Friday, decides to retire and stay in the area. During his announcement he flips off Congress.
Facebook (NASDAQ:FB) co-founder (did I get that right according to the settlement?) Mark Zuckerberg decides that what’s really cool is appearing on Dancing with the Stars for the next ten weeks; FB futures are up to $25 per share on the news.
Groupon (NASDAQ:GRPN) issues full-price coupons to restaurants in New York and Chicago by accident, but books the revenues as discounts, forcing another audit.
In a stunning turnaround, J.C. Penney (NYSE:JCP) and Sears (NASDAQ:SHLD) announce that they sold more merchandise over the weekend than Wal-Mart (NYSE:WMT) and Target (NYSE:TGT).
Dollar Tree (NASDAQ:DLTR) announces that it will raise all its prices to $2 per item starting Tuesday morning; Family Dollar (NYSE:FDO) and Dollar General (NYSE:DG) will raise the price of every store item 10%.
Berkshire Hathaway (NYSE:BRK.A) Chairman Warren Buffett announces a 500-1 stock split to allow for inclusion of retail investors in his “A” shares. The “B” shares sell for 16 cents per share.
As a way of punishing disloyalty, eBay (NASDAQ:EBAY) puts Meg Whitman’s Hewlett Packard (NYSE:HPQ) up for sale, with an opening bid of $30 billion; so far no offers have been placed to buy.
Have a nice weekend!
Marc Bastow is an Assistant Editor at InvestorPlace.com. As of this writing he was long AAPL.