6 Sad Stocks That Should Shear Their CEOs

by Alyssa Oursler | October 10, 2012 8:25 am

6 Sad Stocks That Should Shear Their CEOs

Bezos 6 Sad Stocks That Should Shear Their CEOs[1] The Wall Street Journal[2] recently ran an article that is creating some (literal) buzz about corporate heads.

According to the WSJ, a new study shows that baldness actually is an advantage in the business world — it creates the perception of dominance, masculinity and can make age harder to pin down.

Don’t believe those are good things? Just look at Amazon (NASDAQ:AMZN[3]) CEO Jeffrey Bezos. His bare head might not be the envy of Wall Street, but his booming stock sure is.

The perception isn’t just good news for the baldies, though; it’s also a simple (and cost-efficient) solution for companies that need a new direction. With just a pair of clippers, these six struggling companies can give their leaders makeovers for success:

Mark Zuckerberg, Facebook

Mark Zuckerberg 6 Sad Stocks That Should Shear Their CEOs[4]Marky Mark and his pride and joy Facebook (NASDAQ:FB[5]) are two of the most famous names on this list thanks to the movie The Social Network — and the fact that just about everyone has a profile[6], from high schoolers to Grandma.

Unfortunately, they also are infamous on Wall Street thanks to Facebook’s not-so-successful IPO earlier this year, and the nearly 50% loss the stock has suffered since.

Zuck has been vocal[7] about his plans to get things back on track[8] recently, but you know what they say: Bald speaks louder than words.

Meg Whitman, Hewlett-Packard

MegWhitman 6 Sad Stocks That Should Shear Their CEOs[9]So the study was a little gender-focused, only discussing the impact of men being bald. But at this point, Hewlett-Packard (NYSE:HPQ[10]) can use all the help it can get.

Meg Whitman has made it a year[11] with Hewlett-Packard, but the company’s fortunes have far from turned around. Whitman even had to plead for patience recently, much to the disappointment of HPQ investors[12].

So forget a new tablet, smartphone or cloud computing; let’s start with a haircut, and maybe we can finally stop Hewlett-Packard’s revolving door of CEOs[13] for good.

Ron Johnson, J.C. Penney

RonJohnson 6 Sad Stocks That Should Shear Their CEOs[14]Enough with remodeling your stores[15], Ron — just remodel yourself!

Johnson gave his best song and dance, but J.C. Penney (NYSE:JCP[16]) customers still didn’t believe him when he claimed they didn’t need sales[17]. Unfortunately, nature — and a comb-over — already was set against him.

The store is giving out free haircuts to kids[18] in an attempt to fuel a turnaround — why not have Johnson plop down in the barber’s stool and take one for the stock?

Michael Jeffries, Abercrombie & Fitch

Michael Jeffries 6 Sad Stocks That Should Shear Their CEOs[19]Michael Jeffries’ spiky blond ‘do might be in tune with the style of Abercrombie & Fitch‘s (NYSE:ANF[20]) torn jeans and scantily clad models, but both seem so five years ago[21].

In a profile in Salon[22], Jeffries was asked why he dyed his hair and replied: “Dude, I’m not an old fart who wears his jeans up at his shoulders.”

Had he only shaved his head, he could’ve responded to a similar question with “Dude, ’cause our stock is, like, totally killin’ it.”

Thorsten Heins, Research in Motion

ThorstenHeins 6 Sad Stocks That Should Shear Their CEOs[23]Research In Motion‘s (NASDAQ:RIMM[24]) BlackBerry technology is out of date[25] — but it’s still light-years ahead of Thorsten Heins’ cut.

Sure, the head honchos at Apple (NASDAQ:AAPL[26]) and Samsung are doing great with a full head of hair, but beggars can’t be choosers.

The best thing Heins could do for his company is inspire a new generation of slick gadgets — and what better way to do that than go sleek and aerodynamic yourself?

Angie Hicks, Angie’s List

AngieHicks 6 Sad Stocks That Should Shear Their CEOs[27]OK, Angie Hicks isn’t actually the CEO of Angie’s List (NASDAQ:ANGI[28]), but she is the founder (duh), chief marketing officer and the upbeat face of the company.

In fact, I’m fairly sure of two things: That you’ve seen her lovely smile on your TV … and that her commercial would be much more memorable if she donned the Mr. Clean look.

The company has been public for around a year[29] and has seen its stock shed 35% of its value in that time. Angie’s List is a great idea — it just needs a little bald branding.

As of this writing, Alyssa Oursler did not hold a position in any of the aforementioned securities.

Endnotes:
  1. [Image]: http://investorplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/Bezos.jpg
  2. The Wall Street Journal: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10000872396390443862604578032541863652264.html
  3. AMZN: http://studio-5.financialcontent.com/investplace/quote?Symbol=AMZN
  4. [Image]: http://investorplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/Mark_Zuckerberg.jpg
  5. FB: http://studio-5.financialcontent.com/investplace/quote?Symbol=FB
  6. everyone has a profile: http://investorplace.com/ipo-playbook/facebook-hits-major-milestone-1-billion-users/
  7. Zuck has been vocal: http://investorplace.com/ipo-playbook/zuckerberg-speaks-wall-street-smiles/
  8. get things back on track: http://investorplace.com/ipo-playbook/is-facebook-getting-its-groove-back/
  9. [Image]: http://investorplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/MegWhitman.jpg
  10. HPQ: http://studio-5.financialcontent.com/investplace/quote?Symbol=HPQ
  11. has made it a year: http://investorplace.com/2012/09/happy-belated-anniversary-meg-whitman-hpq/
  12. much to the disappointment of HPQ investors: http://slant.investorplace.com/2012/10/meg-whitman-hp-ceo-analyst-speech-hpq-stock/
  13. revolving door of CEOs: http://investorplace.com/2011/08/hewlett-packard-hp-stock-buyback-autonomy-buyout-hpq/
  14. [Image]: http://investorplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/RonJohnson.jpg
  15. remodeling your stores: http://investorplace.com/2012/07/j-c-penney-reveals-first-3-new-in-store-shops/
  16. JCP: http://studio-5.financialcontent.com/investplace/quote?Symbol=JCP
  17. they didn’t need sales: http://investorplace.com/2012/09/dear-j-c-penney-dont-be-stupid-jcp/
  18. free haircuts to kids: http://investorplace.com/2012/09/j-c-penneys-latest-free-haircuts-for-kids/
  19. [Image]: http://investorplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/Michael-Jeffries.jpg
  20. ANF: http://studio-5.financialcontent.com/investplace/quote?Symbol=ANF
  21. both seem so five years ago: http://investorplace.com/2012/08/abercrombie-a-downward-fashion-trend/
  22. In a profile in Salon: http://www.salon.com/2006/01/24/jeffries/
  23. [Image]: http://investorplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/ThorstenHeins.jpg
  24. RIMM: http://studio-5.financialcontent.com/investplace/quote?Symbol=RIMM
  25. out of date: http://investorplace.com/2012/09/yahoo-says-yes-to-mobile-no-to-rimm/
  26. AAPL: http://studio-5.financialcontent.com/investplace/quote?Symbol=AAPL
  27. [Image]: http://investorplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/AngieHicks.jpg
  28. ANGI: http://studio-5.financialcontent.com/investplace/quote?Symbol=ANGI
  29. public for around a year: http://investorplace.com/ipo-playbook/angies-list-ipo/

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