5 Things Donald Trump Probably Won’t Announce Wednesday

by Marc Bastow | October 23, 2012 2:29 pm

investorpoliticsletters2 5 Things Donald Trump Probably Won't Announce Wednesday[1]It’s bad enough that we have to endure some untold number of campaign ads in the two weeks to go before Election Day. It’s bad enough that we’ve had to sludge through three presidential debates filled with rehearsed answers and more one-liners than substance.

Now we have more abomination to look forward to:

Donald Trump, who once claimed viability as a presidential candidate, promises a “bombshell” announcement[2] Wednesday, Oct. 24, that will rock the electorate prior to the Nov. 6 election. In fact, his announcement promises to be so cataclysmic as to virtually hand the presidency over to Mitt Romney.

Alas. If only we could get rid of this utter gasbag in a hairpiece wrapped around an ego the size of Jupiter.

Of course, the most likely announcement “The Donald” could make is that he has uncovered conclusive evidence that President Barack Obama is not an “American” by birth — a fact that a more-than-you-think number of people hold dear as an article of faith.

But I digress.

Speculation on the announcement’s content is rampant, and indeed my guess is that anyone with Internet access is laughing at all the comments coursing through the Twitterverse ripping the piss out of this blowhard’s actions. Except, of course, anyone associated with the Romney campaign, who can’t get away from this guy fast enough.

But I digress again.

What do I think Mr. Trump might announce? I have a few theories:

  1. Obama is an investor in a small percentage of some of Trump’s losing real estate ventures abroad, thereby making him an “outsourcer” of jobs.
  2. Obama refused a guest appearance spot on The Apprentice, costing NBC needed ratings and money, leading to layoffs in the entertainment division (even though nobody was actually “fired”).
  3. All of Mr. Obama’s efforts to push legislation in the banking industry are costing taxpayers millions of dollars, and the regulations affecting those looking to refinance are killing not only regular guys, but Mr. Trump as he seeks to refinance billions in underwater, over-mortgaged buildings. Obama is a walking “homewrecker.”
  4. Before becoming president, Barack Obama tripped over one of Malia’s dolls, causing a little-known ankle injury that kept him from following his dream of quitting politics and trying out for the Utah Jazz. That doll? An oversized Big Bird plush that Obama curses nightly. Thus, Obama is a bigger threat to Sesame Street and PBS than Mitt Romney.
  5. He’s running for President of the United States … no, really this time.

OK, probably not.

Wake me when this is over.

Marc Bastow is an Assistant Editor at InvestorPlace.com and thinks D.C. might get a laugh if The Donald just tells Obama, “Clown campaign, bro.”

The opinions contained in this column are solely those of the writer.

Want to share your own views on money, politics and the 2012 elections? Drop us a line at letters@investorplace.com and we might reprint your views in our InvestorPolitics blog! Please include your name, city and state of residence. All letters submitted to this address will be considered for publication.

Endnotes:
  1. [Image]: mailto:letters@investorplace.com
  2. promises a “bombshell” announcement: http://investorplace.com/2012/10/donald-trump-promises-october-surprise/

Source URL: http://investorplace.com/investorpolitics/5-things-donald-trump-probably-wont-announce-wednesday/
Short URL: http://invstplc.com/1ftUHjM