6 Sad Stocks That Should Shear Their CEOs

by Alyssa Oursler | October 10, 2012 8:25 am

Jeff Bezos Amazon[1] The Wall Street Journal[2] recently ran an article that is creating some (literal) buzz about corporate heads.

According to the WSJ, a new study shows that baldness actually is an advantage in the business world — it creates the perception of dominance, masculinity and can make age harder to pin down.

Don’t believe those are good things? Just look at Amazon (NASDAQ:AMZN[3]) CEO Jeffrey Bezos. His bare head might not be the envy of Wall Street, but his booming stock sure is.

The perception isn’t just good news for the baldies, though; it’s also a simple (and cost-efficient) solution for companies that need a new direction. With just a pair of clippers, these six struggling companies can give their leaders makeovers for success:

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Mark Zuckerberg, Facebook

[5]Marky Mark and his pride and joy Facebook (NASDAQ:FB[6]) are two of the most famous names on this list thanks to the movie The Social Network — and the fact that just about everyone has a profile[7], from high schoolers to Grandma.

Unfortunately, they also are infamous on Wall Street thanks to Facebook’s not-so-successful IPO earlier this year, and the nearly 50% loss the stock has suffered since.

Zuck has been vocal[8] about his plans to get things back on track[9] recently, but you know what they say: Bald speaks louder than words.

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Meg Whitman, Hewlett-Packard

[10]So the study was a little gender-focused, only discussing the impact of men being bald. But at this point, Hewlett-Packard (NYSE:HPQ[11]) can use all the help it can get.

Meg Whitman has made it a year[12] with Hewlett-Packard, but the company’s fortunes have far from turned around. Whitman even had to plead for patience recently, much to the disappointment of HPQ investors[13].

So forget a new tablet, smartphone or cloud computing; let’s start with a haircut, and maybe we can finally stop Hewlett-Packard’s revolving door of CEOs[14] for good.

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Ron Johnson, J.C. Penney

[15]Enough with remodeling your stores[16], Ron — just remodel yourself!

Johnson gave his best song and dance, but J.C. Penney (NYSE:JCP[17]) customers still didn’t believe him when he claimed they didn’t need sales[18]. Unfortunately, nature — and a comb-over — already was set against him.

The store is giving out free haircuts to kids[19] in an attempt to fuel a turnaround — why not have Johnson plop down in the barber’s stool and take one for the stock?

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Michael Jeffries, Abercrombie & Fitch

[20]Michael Jeffries’ spiky blond ‘do might be in tune with the style of Abercrombie & Fitch‘s (NYSE:ANF[21]) torn jeans and scantily clad models, but both seem so five years ago[22].

In a profile in Salon[23], Jeffries was asked why he dyed his hair and replied: “Dude, I’m not an old fart who wears his jeans up at his shoulders.”

Had he only shaved his head, he could’ve responded to a similar question with “Dude, ’cause our stock is, like, totally killin’ it.”

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Thorsten Heins, Research in Motion

[24]Research In Motion‘s (NASDAQ:RIMM[25]) BlackBerry technology is out of date[26] — but it’s still light-years ahead of Thorsten Heins’ cut.

Sure, the head honchos at Apple (NASDAQ:AAPL[27]) and Samsung are doing great with a full head of hair, but beggars can’t be choosers.

The best thing Heins could do for his company is inspire a new generation of slick gadgets — and what better way to do that than go sleek and aerodynamic yourself?

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Angie Hicks, Angie’s List

[28]OK, Angie Hicks isn’t actually the CEO of Angie’s List (NASDAQ:ANGI[29]), but she is the founder (duh), chief marketing officer and the upbeat face of the company.

In fact, I’m fairly sure of two things: That you’ve seen her lovely smile on your TV … and that her commercial would be much more memorable if she donned the Mr. Clean look.

The company has been public for around a year[30] and has seen its stock shed 35% of its value in that time. Angie’s List is a great idea — it just needs a little bald branding.

As of this writing, Alyssa Oursler did not hold a position in any of the aforementioned securities.

Endnotes:
  1. [Image]: https://investorplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/Bezos.jpg
  2. The Wall Street Journal: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10000872396390443862604578032541863652264.html
  3. AMZN: http://studio-5.financialcontent.com/investplace/quote?Symbol=AMZN
  4. Compare Brokers: https://investorplace.com/options-trading/broker-center/
  5. [Image]: https://investorplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/Mark_Zuckerberg.jpg
  6. FB: http://studio-5.financialcontent.com/investplace/quote?Symbol=FB
  7. everyone has a profile: https://investorplace.com/ipo-playbook/facebook-hits-major-milestone-1-billion-users/
  8. Zuck has been vocal: https://investorplace.com/ipo-playbook/zuckerberg-speaks-wall-street-smiles/
  9. get things back on track: https://investorplace.com/ipo-playbook/is-facebook-getting-its-groove-back/
  10. [Image]: https://investorplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/MegWhitman.jpg
  11. HPQ: http://studio-5.financialcontent.com/investplace/quote?Symbol=HPQ
  12. has made it a year: https://investorplace.com/2012/09/happy-belated-anniversary-meg-whitman-hpq/
  13. much to the disappointment of HPQ investors: http://slant.investorplace.com/2012/10/meg-whitman-hp-ceo-analyst-speech-hpq-stock/
  14. revolving door of CEOs: https://investorplace.com/2011/08/hewlett-packard-hp-stock-buyback-autonomy-buyout-hpq/
  15. [Image]: https://investorplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/RonJohnson.jpg
  16. remodeling your stores: https://investorplace.com/2012/07/j-c-penney-reveals-first-3-new-in-store-shops/
  17. JCP: http://studio-5.financialcontent.com/investplace/quote?Symbol=JCP
  18. they didn’t need sales: https://investorplace.com/2012/09/dear-j-c-penney-dont-be-stupid-jcp/
  19. free haircuts to kids: https://investorplace.com/2012/09/j-c-penneys-latest-free-haircuts-for-kids/
  20. [Image]: https://investorplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/Michael-Jeffries.jpg
  21. ANF: http://studio-5.financialcontent.com/investplace/quote?Symbol=ANF
  22. both seem so five years ago: https://investorplace.com/2012/08/abercrombie-a-downward-fashion-trend/
  23. In a profile in Salon: http://www.salon.com/2006/01/24/jeffries/
  24. [Image]: https://investorplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/ThorstenHeins.jpg
  25. RIMM: http://studio-5.financialcontent.com/investplace/quote?Symbol=RIMM
  26. out of date: https://investorplace.com/2012/09/yahoo-says-yes-to-mobile-no-to-rimm/
  27. AAPL: http://studio-5.financialcontent.com/investplace/quote?Symbol=AAPL
  28. [Image]: https://investorplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/AngieHicks.jpg
  29. ANGI: http://studio-5.financialcontent.com/investplace/quote?Symbol=ANGI
  30. public for around a year: https://investorplace.com/ipo-playbook/angies-list-ipo/

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