Carlos Danger in the C-Suite? Dow Jones CEO Aliases

by Kyle Woodley | July 24, 2013 10:46 am

Carlos Danger — the name hangs over the Internet like a pinata of laughs, with everyone taking a swing … and he’s not even a real person.

No, “Danger” was the goofy nom de plume adopted by former U.S. representative and current NYC mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner for the purposes of his texty trysts, which recently were exposed along with his pseudonym.

Amid the online explosion over Carlos Danger came perhaps one of my favorite pages — a site that will automatically generate your own foolin’-nobody “online sobriquet.”[1] Just plunk in your first and last names, and you’re halfway on your road to stardom (if stardom can be achieved by starring in a cheap Bond knock-off).

It’s silly laughs, but we couldn’t help looking at what some other high-profile names might generate should they decide to go covert. Namely, the executive roster from the Dow Jones Industrial Average.

Here’s a look:

3M: George Buckley — Gustavo Dynamite
Alcoa: Klaus Kleinfeld — José María Kill
American Express: Kenneth Chenault — Maximiliano Distress
AT&T: Randal Stephenson — Mario Covert
Bank of America: Brian Moynihan — Fernando Menace
Boeing: W. James McNerney — Andres Scourge
Caterpillar: Douglas Oberhelman — Paco Scourge
Chevron: John Watson — Fernando Gamble
Cisco: John Chambers — Dario Kill
Coca-Cola: Muhtar Kent — Julio Catastrophe
DuPont: Ellen Kullman — Federico Clandestine
Exxon Mobil: Rex Tillerson — Lorenzo Risk
General Electric: Jeffrey Immelt — Manolo Sly
Hewlett-Packard: Meg Whitman — Alejandro Gamble
Home Depot: Francis Blake — Emilio Violence
IBM: Virginia Rometty — Marcos Sly
Intel: Brian Krzanich — Pepe Adventure
Johnson & Johnson: Alex Gorsky — Fabricio Evil
JPMorgan Chase: Jamie Dimon — Armando Badass
McDonald’s: Don Thompson — Fernando Violence
Merck: Kenneth Frazier — Mateo Death
Microsoft: Steve Ballmer — José Death
Pfizer: Ian Read — Leandro Calamity
Procter & Gamble: A.G. Lafley — Aníbal Evil
Travelers: Jay Fishman — Andres Clandestine
United Technologies: Louis Chenevert — Pascual Threat
UnitedHealth Group: Stephen Hemsley — Ricardo Smash
Verizon: Lowell McAdam — Santiago Death
Walmart: Michael Duke — Andres Peril
Walt Disney: Robert Iger — Ignacio Menace

Jose Verboten is the Deputy Managing Editor of[2]. As of this writing, he did not hold a position in any of the aforementioned securities. Follow him on Twitter at @IPKyleWoodley[3].

  1. “online sobriquet.”:
  3. @IPKyleWoodley:

Source URL:
Short URL: