But let’s be honest — celebrity endorsements are often chosen without rhyme or reason. They’re just a quick way to boost a brand and make stars some extra cash. The choice of Beyonce, for example, is just a vague grab at coolness on Pepsi’s part.
Beyond that, Danica Patrick’s GoDaddy commercials make me want to root again the racing star, while Tiger Woods’ partnership with Nike (NKE) makes sense, but is also plain old boring.
Meanwhile, countless celebrities out there are actually perfect marriages for select companies.
With that in mind, let’s take a look at five honest celebrity endorsements that we would love to see … but probably never will.
Joseph Gordon-Levitt: Men’s Wearhouse
Joseph Gordon-Levitt has more than just acting skills — he has style. The onetime awkward child star has matured into a sophisticated, well-dressed swag machine. In fact, readers of Esquire voted him the “Best Dressed Man” just last year.
While good style, good looks and his simple “cool factor” could make Gordon-Levitt the face of just about any company, I think it would make far more sense to pair him up with one that actually cares about helping you look good.
Enter Men’s Wearhouse (MW). The retailer has been running the same ad campaign for years — a gray, bearded George Zimmer telling shoppers: “You’re gonna like the way you look. I guarantee it.” Until this month, that is, when the founder/spokesperson got the boot.
If you ask me, this is the perfect opportunity for a little rebranding. If you want to guarantee that I like the way I look, make me look like JGL.
Taylor Swift: eHarmony
It’s just that … well … Taylor Swift simply has to be the spokesperson for eHarmony. No one represents love, or at least the desire for it, more than the break-up-song writer.
And we all know her past relationships — from Joe Jonas to Harry Styles to John Mayer to … OK, you get the point — simply haven’t worked out because they weren’t matched on 29 levels of compatibility!
Plus, Swift could be a face of inspiration to even the most desperate online daters. If eHarmony can keep find Taylor Swift a lasting love, it can work for any of us. All Swift needs to do is embrace her status as jilted young lover ready for an online dating fairy tale.
Seth Rogen: Medical Marijuana Inc.
Seth Rogen is best-known for two things: making funny movies and smoking weed. Well, or just one thing: making funny movies about smoking weed. Either way, why the heck is he one of the faces of Samsung (SSNLF)?
Instead, the two-time “Stoner of the Year” winner would be better off promoting Medical Marijuana Inc. (MJNA). He makes no secret of his use (and indeed his love) of the drug and can be found on Bro Bible demonstrating joint-rolling techniques.
Plus, Medical Marijuana Inc. sure could use some better marketing. On the company’s website, it explains its purpose:
“Our mission is to be the premier cannabis and hemp industry innovators, leveraging our team of professionals to source, evaluate and purchase value-added companies and products …”
Proud pothead Rogen would be much better at getting the message across: “Let’s get high.”
Allen Iverson: EZCorp
It’s sad but true: Plenty of big-time athletes wind up bankrupt after blowing through their fortunes. Allen Iverson — who piled up over $150 million from his glory days on the Philadelphia 76ers — is just one example.
But for the struggling baller who says he can no longer afford a cheeseburger, there’s a solution. And no, I don’t mean endorsing basketball shoes or shooting sleeves. I mean endorsing a company like payday lender and pawn-shop operator EZCorp (EZPW), which describes itself as a market leader in “short-term cash solutions.”
It’s perfect. Iverson — more than most celebrities — can relate to the day-to-day stress of being short on cash, making him a reliable and well-known authority on the matter.
And the endorsement itself will put a little extra cash in AI’s pockets too! Everyone wins. (Well, unless you believe payday lenders prey on the poor … but that’s a different story.)
Blake Shelton: Bacardi
If you made a drinking game out of every time Blake Shelton publicly mentions drinking, you just might get as drunk as Blake apparently is all the time. The country star makes no secret about his love of the good stuff.
His go-to drink, though, just might surprise you. Yeah yeah, he sings about ice-cold beer in song after song and is sponsoring Pepsi for the summer, but the boozehound’s booze of choice is supposedly Bacardi … paired with Coca-Cola‘s (KO) Sprite.
Why not make the relationship official?
The only red flag of course, is whether accusations about his over-drinking and flirtatious/questionably unfaithful nature turn out to be true. In that case, we might have a Tiger Woods-like endorsement fiasco on our hands.
But in my book, Blake is an innocent party-lover until proven guilty, making him the perfect face of any booze company.