Happy weekend, folks. If you’re tired of reading about everyone else’s successes, just remember that even the best investments have their dog days.
So, here’s my
Craigslist Tomslist report on some of the top penny stock stories this week.
From rat contraception to a crypto mining operation in desperate need of good PR, these five names are definitely ones to watch:
- Senestech (NASDAQ:SNES)
- Idera Pharmaceuticals (NASDAQ:IDRA)
- Sos Ltd (NYSE:SOS)
- Humbl (OTCMKTS:TSNPD)
- Hello Pal International (OTCMKTS:HLLPF)
Weirdest Penny Stocks of the Week: Senestech (SNES)
Want to sell: a better mouse trap.
They say the early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. Well, our best scientists have put their heads together to stop those late-waking rodents from stealing your camembert. Enter ContraPest — also known as a “diterpenoid epoxide comprising a triptolide skeleton” that supposedly stops rats from making more of themselves.
With just a simple $384 initial investment, you can make your rodent problem disappear. Or, at least mostly decrease. All it takes is two mouse traps and plenty of patience.
But please hurry. We’ve only made $185,000 in sales during the past nine months and our bankers are starting to get a bit mad. After all, we’re spending over 30 times that amount on overhead costs. Plus, it probably doesn’t help that we awarded top management with almost $3 million in compensation in 2019. They just don’t understand that those are the costs of building a better mouse trap.
Still, our PR department provides some hope. Our stock is already up 38% this week alone, thanks to news that our product works. And if you want any proof, try it for yourself. We guarantee you’ll love it (even if your rats don’t).
Idera Pharmaceuticals (IDRA)
Lost: Phase 3 Trials
Hi all, I recently lost my Phase 3 trials. Now I need help finding my way again.
I know they say you shouldn’t put all your eggs in one basket, but I might have jumped the gun — the side effect of giving a biotech startup a lot of money. That’s why I launched four trials of my flagship product — tilsotolimod — all at once. It’s a common method of speeding the process up, but also pretty risky because you can lose your entire pipeline’s viability in one stroke.
Alas, that’s exactly what happened. On Friday, it turned out that my combination of tilsotolimod with an existing Bristol-Myers Squibb (NYSE:BMY) oncology drug did no better than the BMY drug alone. Analysts now believe my PD-1 melanoma program “is unlikely to cause a ‘meaningful’ survival benefit in patients” (although, if we’re being fair, it could still prove promising in other applications).
Now IDRA stock seems to have run away, too. It was last seen at the $5 to $6 range, but it might have run down below $2 today. Please call me if you find it.
Sos Ltd (SOS)
Looking for: PR Firm
Hello Internet — I’m posting here on the off-chance that you know of any good PR firms to help me through the mess I’m in. The last one seems to have taken Chinese New Year off and hasn’t come back since.
It all started when Hindenburg and Culper Research published some nasty allegations against me and the business last month. They claimed I’d used doctored images on my press releases, showing other people’s Bitcoin (CCC:BTC-USD) mining rigs instead of my own. And as for my headquarters and where I bought the 15,000 miners from? All of the addresses seemed to lead to dead ends. Hotels, law firms and even a shared workspace in New York.
Full disclosure: the allegations about the photos are actually probably true. I’ve since published a video walkthrough of my setup that looks rather different from the images on my press releases. But I never did say those pictures were mine.
No, my biggest issue comes with my good-for-nothing PR firm. They put together a 200-word boilerplate reply for us, promising a “more detailed response to the false innuendo and lies” back on Mar. 1. But, now it’s been three weeks and they’ve seem to have skipped town. Meanwhile, we’re still here, churning out bitcoins.
Does anyone know somebody who can help us dismiss these shareholder lawsuits we’re facing now?
Missed Connection: Corporate Strategy
We briefly met back in February. Your clear-minded vision for a blockchain and payments company seemed so compelling. Investors had no choice but to bid up shares to a whopping $7 billion valuation, eclipsing even some of the biggest Bitcoin mining companies at the time.
But we’ve since had a falling out. I know you didn’t like how I went ahead and bought a $20 million ticketing company focused on Latin live events. Even my $7.5 million purchase of a Chilean multi-family office only seemed to raise your interest in me for a couple of days. Now it’s back to the cold shoulder.
Still, I have my self-worth. All $3 billion of it, in fact. But it’s nothing like when we were at our strongest. If somehow you’re reading this, I hope you ring me back. I’d love to get on track again, to where we once were.
Hello Pal International (HLLPF)
Looking for: New Web Host
On Mar. 8, we announced to the world that we were buying a 15% interest in a Dogecoin (CCC:DOGE-USD) and Litecoin (CCC:LTC-USD) mining operation plus a 51% stake in a new mining facility. That now adds onto the other Bitcoin investments we’ve done since February.
Why would a Canadian social app want to dabble in crypto mining, you ask? Squint hard enough and anyone can see that our digital-wallets capabilities make it a natural fit. Plus, investors seem to love it.
Regardless, so many people visited our website when we made the Dogecoin-Litecoin announcement that it went temporarily dark. Anyone visiting our site would have seen a 503 error, making the whole operation look like a pump-and-dump debacle. We’ve even had to publish an official press release to assure folks we’re real. Now, we’re looking for a web host that won’t crash whenever crypto investors scan our site.
There’s always a silver lining, though. That press release was a nice way to sneak in the news that we’ve awarded ourselves 3 million stock options. Just a reminder that if you get rich from our work, don’t worry about us. We promise we’ll be even richer than you.
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On the date of publication, Tom Yeung did not have (either directly or indirectly) any positions in the securities mentioned in this article.
Tom Yeung, CFA, is a registered investment advisor on a mission to bring simplicity to the world of investing.